cc licensed ( BY NC ) flickr photo by Erickson Ocampo: http://flickr.com/photos/coolbite1/3596619861/
Every year, as a principal, I hear the heart-breaking stories from parents and kids about not having friends, not being invited to play after school and never being invited to a birthday party. Although we are only a few students and children in communities, these stories are far too common and are not only devastating to the children but also the families.
As I grow with my kids, one of my goals is to always reach out and invite a child who, for whatever reason, needs a friend. I have seen parents do this in our school as they taught and modeled to our children the importance of including others in their circles.
When I was in elementary school, I remember new students moving to our town and struggling to make friends. On a couple of occasions (probably more), my parents asked me to choose a child that was new or struggled to have friends and invite them to come to a Canucks game with my dad and I (back when the Canucks games were mostly losses but very affordable). These events grew into friendships and modeled to me the empathy and care that is needed to truly understand and appreciate the value of friendships and inclusion of others.
As we move into another school year, my challenge to parents (including me) is for us to reach out and include students beyond our children’s typical friendship circles. If it is a new student in the class, set up an after school activity for a day. For birthdays, start by reaching out to one child that needs a friend… and if our children disagree, this gives us the perfect opportunity to embrace a teachable moment about empathy and care. If it is a student that struggles with some behaviours or disabilities that require support, invite the child to come over with the parent so you can truly understand the challenges that both the child and the family face. Raising a child with a disability and/or a child that requires significant behaviour support can also be very difficult for the parents. They, too, can be left feeling alone and negatively judged as “bad parents” when it is often a condition that is not about parenting and more about extra support, empathy, and understanding.
A series of these small efforts can have a life-changing impact on children, families and society as a whole. I invite you to join me, and many families whom I learn from, in reaching out and teaching our children to include others.
Always important to take a break and play in the puddles.
As parents and educators, we often grow frustrated by children’s lack of focus and how easily they become distracted. Sometimes, though, they can teach us to focus less on the end point and notice the wonders of the journey along the way.
The other day my wife and I went for a run so we packed the kids up in the stroller and drove to one of our beautiful nearby parks. Being parents of twins, sleep and mealtime routines keep our girls happier and my wife and I more sane. We promised the girls after our run, they would have some bike riding time so they could have fun and burn off some energy. Because of some “potty struggles” with one of my daughters, their bike ride time decreased so when they both finally got on their bikes, I was strongly encouraging them to ride around. No less than five minutes into bike ride time, they both hopped off their bikes and ran to investigate some small puddles (photo above). My first response was, “C’mon girls, we only have a few minutes… Keep biking”. Of course, being 2 year-olds, they chose not to listen and began to jump and play in the puddles… Enjoying the moment. At that point, following some toddler giggles that can make anyone smile, they again taught me something – stop, and enjoy the moments; be wide-awake to all that nature and childhood can share. For me, it was about burning energy… To my girls, it was about the first puddle they had seen in over a month… It was about the joy in jumping In water… It was about the sensation of picking up mud in your hands and letting it slide through your fingers.. It was about play and wonder.
We often get caught up in getting to the next event or achieving the next goal in our lives and filling our statements with phrases like “hurry up” or “come on, let’s go”. We sometimes grow agitated when our students and children continually get distracted by sights and sounds (often new to them) outside of what we are trying to accomplish. Sometimes, however, we need to realize that the journey is not solely about us and we need take our kids’ lead by taking moments to enjoy the wonders and curiosities in our journeys… and stop and play in the puddles.
For me it was a good reminder that although routines are important to our family, they are nothing compared to the small moments we will always remember. Sometimes it takes a couple of 2 year-olds to teach me to embrace the journey… Wherever that leads.
cc licensed ( BY NC ) flickr photo by Heather: http://flickr.com/photos/michar/2530447234/
We are faced with challenges every day. We also faced with a choice of how we respond to these challenges. Today I had a slap in the face reminder of how, even when faced with the worst hand a parent could ever be dealt, there are people that choose to seek the positives… there are people that choose to Dance in the Rain.
Lilee-Jean was born 5 days before my girls in late 2010. She started her life just like every other child… but 10 months later, something horrible started to grow inside her little developing brain – a tumour called Gliobastoma (GBM). For the next year and a half, Lilee and her family did every treatment they could to beat this awful disease. Although the chances of winning were very low, they kept fighting… After months and months of treatments and battles, they started to feel like they had a chance of beating this tumour.
Just when the sun started to shine a tiny bit on this family, the dark thunder clouds came rolling back in and another tumour was discovered… their worst nightmare came true: time officially became the enemy. Chelsey, LJ’s mother, shared this quote in a recent blog post:
“Today we fight. Tomorrow we fight. The day after, we fight. And if this disease plans on whipping us, it better bring a lunch, ’cause it’s gonna have a long day doing it.”
― Jim Beaver, Life’s That Way: A Memoir
They still fight every day. As devastating as this has been to this family, they somehow have had the power to change their lens… to understand that if there is a chance of shortened time, they need to embrace every single moment they have with their precious daughter. Chelsey wrote,
Once again, as always, with urgency, we are living. We are laughing. We are dancing. And we are singing…
…Andrew [LJ’s father] and I have compiled a realistic, relatively short and doable list, not only to fill Lilee-Jean’s life to the brim with love, laughter and magic, but to keep ourselves focused on our now and not our later.
We have chosen to call it “Dancing In The Rain” in stead of a “bucket” list for obvious reasons, and if time allows, we will hopefully be adding to it as we cross things off.
There is no better way to fight disease and to fight death, than to live. So when we finish our last few stomach churning, heart wrenching “to do’s” they will be put aside, and left to gather dust until the time comes for them to rear their ugly heads… IF that time does come.
One of the items on the list was “go to school”. Because of Andrew’s ties to our community (he attended our school years ago and is very well know in Agassiz), LJ’s story has grabbed and wrenched the hearts of many of us in Agassiz and at Kent School (I wrote about this here after she came to visit us following surgery). Both our kindergarten teacher (Stacey Garrioch @garrioch) and I reached out to the family to offer LJ a chance to spend her first day at school with us. Andrew and Chelsey agreed that this would be a great fit so this morning, we welcomed our newest student to Kent School.
Photo from Chelsey Whittle
Stacey set the day up as a typical day filled with tons of play-based learning for Lilee-Jean and her classmates. As with every new member of the class, the students were so excited to meet and play with LJ – who showed up with a big smile and her “lucky bear” and new Tinkerbell lunch box. She hung her coat up on the hook with her name on it, met her buddy and sat down and joined the class. She was, of course, one of the VIPs so this meant she led some songs, shared calendar time, and told us all about the weather. She was a real Kent student in Division 10. I think the best part of the day was when I walked in to check in to see how things were going and I couldn’t see Lilee-Jean; she completely blended in and was just ‘one of the kids’ playing in the house centre. She was busy feeding her baby with two other students like any typical kindergarten student would be doing. The other times I popped in to take in the moments, she was either pointing out the L in a puzzle and saying this stood for Lilee-Jean, eating her snacks with her classmates at the table, writing on the white boards, or dancing the Gummy Bear Dance with her friends. I did not want this day to end but I knew she was a typical two year-old and needed her afternoon nap.
Photo from Jessica at the Agassiz-Harrison Observer
I didn’t want this day to end because I wanted to continue to be able to pop in and see Lilee-Jean bringing joy to all of us by just being herself in her first day of school. I imagine this is what Andrew and Chelsey go through almost every moment of their lives… and unfortunately, the moments must fly by. At noon, Lilee-Jean had her lunch and hung out and played with her classmates. She then gave every child and adult a big warm hug and left school with a huge smile as she danced in the puddles and caught the rain drops in her hands. Tonight she will have a girls night as she and her mommy go to a spa and a hotel to continue their dancing in the rain.
As I sat in my office to collect my thoughts, I wondered: when faced with life’s challenges, do we look through the lens of all the problems we cannot change? Or do we choose to change the lens and see all the wonderful moments life has to offer and dance in the rain?Andrew and Chelsey are going through what every parent fears. They CHOOSE to embrace the life they have with their beautiful daughter, Lilee-Jean. Because they choose to do this and choose to share their story, I am forever changed. Lilee-Jean may not live on forever but all that she and her family have taught me about life and love will live on through me and so many others that have been touched with their story.
Thank you so much to LJ, Andrew, Chelsey for sharing today with us. Thank you for letting so many of us into your lives through the window of social media. Thank you for inspiring me and so many others. Thank you for Lilee-Jean for allowing me to spend the most beautiful morning dancing in the rain.
One of the key things I have learned from my wife, as well as some staff members, is that it is often more about listening than it is about problem-solving. Although there are many times when a problem needs to be fixed, there are times when our only job is to listen, sympathize, and/or empathize with what the person is telling us.
I recall a colleague telling me about a time in which he sat and listened to the many things that were wrong with a teacher’s class and how she was frustrated with a lack of support for her students. My colleague told me that after he listened, he worked hard to change a number of schedules to provide more support for this teacher. I am sure, if he is like me, he was proud of his efforts in helping to solve the problem. When he went to the teacher and shared his solutions, she became even more frustrated and said, “I wasn’t looking for changes… I just wanted you to listen!”. He spent the next few hours undoing his solutions.
In a meeting a few years ago, I brought up the topic of staff room dialogue. I said that I felt that the focus of the majority of conversations should be about working toward a solution rather than merely voicing concerns. A colleague responded, “sometimes, we just need to vent and not solve the problems.” At the time I struggled to comprehend this but as I grow, along with the help of a number of conversations with my wife, I am starting to realize that sometimes the most important thing I can do is… shut up and listen.
Check out this short entertaining video that shares this point… #lessonlearned (Thanks to Michal Ruhr for sharing)
cc licensed ( BY ) flickr photo by stephanski: http://flickr.com/photos/stephanski/6749689975/
This post stems from a personal experience and is NOT a criticism of parenting but merely a way to express my concern for the structural and societal pressures many North American parents face. Medications are a necessity for some children and this is not meant to be the focus of this conversation. As a society, I believe we need to better support families so there are less pressures to spend time away from our kids. By supporting parents better as a North American society, I wonder what impact that would have on our kids?
I recently read an article from Psychology Today, “Why French Kids Don’t Have ADHD” , and I found myself nodding my head in agreement at the start and then becoming frustrated as I continued to read. In the article, the author states that 9%* of school aged children are diagnosed with (and medicated for) ADHD while in France, this number is 0.5%. I appreciated the section that focused on societal issues that stated,
French child psychiatrists, on the other hand, view ADHD as a medical condition that has psycho-social and situational causes. Instead of treating children’s focusing and behavioral problems with drugs, French doctors prefer to look for the underlying issue that is causing the child distress—not in the child’s brain but in the child’s social context.
Although there are health disorders and disabilities that are very real and require significant medical support (as well as support and care for families), I often think that the culture and structures of North American society leads to a variety of disorders in our children. I was thinking that this article might support my thoughts and answer some questions. The author briefly mentioned that parents and society play a key role in child development by providing key structures (ie. meal times). Then, it took a concerning turn that aligned with much of the dialogue that occurs in schools and households in North America when it stated,
French parents let their babies “cry it out” if they are not sleeping through the night at the age of four months… But French parents have a different philosophy of disciplinine. Consistently enforced limits, in the French view, make children feel safe and secure. Clear limits, they believe, actually make a child feel happier and safer—something that is congruent with my own experience as both a therapist and a parent. Finally, French parents believe that hearing the word “no” rescues children from the “tyranny of their own desires.” And spanking, when used judiciously, is not considered child abuse in France.
I think the article missed the key point here. When family time is a priority, we see less children experiencing difficulties. Structure is important but it is not about spanking nor is it about “crying it out” methods.
In our North American society, with a high cost of living and little support, parents often are both forced to work. Daycare is a booming industry. Meals can be a series of snacks on the run. Parents who make a decision (and have the financial ability) to not work when their kids are young state they are “JUST a stay at home mom/dad”. Families are pressured to have their kids “kindergarten-ready” (whatever that means) to do well in school. Parents pressure each other to get their kids registered in the “best” pre-schools and in the “top” organized activities. We pressure each other to get our kids involved with other groups of kids so they can be “socialized”. We apply “programs” from best-selling authors and experts that disagree with each other. When we do all this, we give up the opportunity to just BE with our kids. We give up the chance for our kids to be with us and learn from us.
Being a relatively new father as well as an educator, I have read a few books and watched a few videos on the topic of child development and early learning. I enjoy the bigger ideas in books like Raffi Cavoukian’s “Child Honouring” and Gordon Neufeld’s “Hold on to Your Kids” but I struggle with the books and videos that teach parents and educators to rely on a program or a standardized approach. We often try to simplify parenting and education to a solution of a series of checklists and strategies that can be boxed and sold. This minimizes the needed effort for us as parents. What we really need is for us, and our society, to prioritize our time and relationships with our kids… we need to be truly present in their lives. Ironically, if we did this, we would likely need significantly less programs, books, videos, and medications. As stated, this is a result of deep societal issue in which we are so rushed in our daily lives that we are often forced or choose to have other adults (and often peers) raise our kids.
Although I appreciate articles that encourage our society to move away from medication as a fix, I fear that the underlying message in the Psychology Today article becomes a checklist of things to do TO kids rather than making family time a priority so that we can do more WITH kids. We need a holistic approach that places children and family at the centre of what we do – a society that values family and makes raising our children our main purpose.
It is no secret that I struggle with work-family-friends balance. However, I wonder if our society supported and placed family and children at the forefront, would our kids better develop the social-emotional skills required to handle the endless challenges they face?
I understand that there are medical conditions that are very real. We need to support parents and families. Our kids need us. They do n0t always need experts**. They do not always need medications**. They need caring, attached adults.
**Note: I do understand there are disabilities and challenges that are very real and require medical attention, medication and expertise. This is not a black and white topic. The challenge is knowing when it is a medical issue. Parents of children with disabilities need societal support instead of judgment. Whether it is a medical or social concern, our kids need us parents more than ever.
Be more interested: Listen. cc licensed ( BY NC ND ) flickr photo by Bindaas Madhavi: http://flickr.com/photos/mkuram/5961100771/
At some point in the past year (for a variety of reasons) the how, the why, and the when of social media slightly changed for me. I have been reflecting a ton on the purpose of social media to me – both professionally and personally (see Social Media in Education: Who Is It Really About?). I have been thinking about HOW I read online (unfortunately, often just scan) and HOW I interact with others. I have been thinking about the purpose of social media as it pertains to my learning and my life. I have altered the amount of time I spend learning from and with others online.
Over the holidays, one of the books I read was Mark Goulston’s “Just Listen: Discovering the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone”. Among the many things that resonated with me in this great read was that I realized in the past few years, I have spent too much time trying to be interesting online and less time being interested offline (and online). I have spent so much time communicating, learning and connecting that it has distracted me from the DOING both in my school and in my life outside of school. I also know this is all a part of my continuous learning journey to be a better leader, educator, and person… to me, this is growth.
“The measure of self-assurance is how deeply and sincerely interested you are in others; the measure of insecurity is how much you try to impress them with you.” — Mark Goulston
Some people have asked me which single word defines my goals for 2013. Although I do not generally make new year’s resolutions, I believe that the word that has driven me to be better in the past year and into this year is: FOCUS. In addition to spending more focused time with my family and in my school, as well as in my personal and professional learning, I need to focus more on LISTENING and being INTERESTED. I will continue to share interesting things that I read and the successes we are having at Kent School but I will work harder on being more interested in those around me.
“If you want to have an interesting dinner conversation, be interested. If you want to have interesting things to write, be interested. If you want to meet interesting people, be interested in the people you meet—their lives, their history, their story.” — Jim Collins
One of my heroes, SImon Ibell, with his good friend Steve Nash. Image from Steve Russell of the Toronto Star.
As we approach National School Run Day (Terry Fox Run), the topic of heroes is often discussed and reflected upon in our classes. To me, a hero is someone that inspires me through his/her courage and dedication as well as the manner in which he/she lives his/her life.
I am so privileged to have one of my life heroes as one of my good friends. I met Simon Ibell when I was in 2nd year university at the University of Victoria. He worked as the manager of the men’s basketball team and I worked at the equipment desk at UVIC’s McKinnon gym. Our friendship started with jabs as he was a Leafs fan and I was a Canucks fan (these jabs continue today). The thing that drew me to Simon was the positive nature in which he lived his life. Every time he came down those steps to get the equipment for the men’s team, he had a huge grin on his face – if he was ever having a bad day (and I am sure he had a few), he never let it be known.
Simon and I for Hallowe’en at UVIC. One of my fave pics.
The more I got to know Simon, the more I saw the social magnet he was; people were drawn to him throughout the campus. What normally took me 5 minutes to cross the campus, with Simon it took four times as long – not because his steps were shorter but because he knew everyone and they all stopped to chat and smile with him. #positivity
Simon and I never really spoke about his disability until one day, I asked him to tell me more. He informed me that he had MPS II (mucopolysaccharidosis II) or Hunter’s Syndrome; this meant he lived in physical pain due to being deficient in an enzyme which affected his joints and major organs (particularly heart and respiratory). He lived a life in which his body filled up with cellular waste – like a “kitchen that cannot get rid of the garbage”. His family had toured the world looking for treatment but came up short each time. #perseverance
As our friendship grew, so did the will to fight for a cure and advocate for others. While still in UVIC I had the privilege of travelling with many of Simon’s friends on a tour of Vancouver Island, Bike4MPS, to raise awareness and money for the fight to conquer MPS. Although it was exciting to be on a tour with the likes of NBA star Steve Nash, Olympic gold medal-winning triathlete Simon Whitfield and cyclist Roland Green – the moment that brought us all to tears was Simon completing the tour and raising $250 000 for the cause. The same guy that ran out of breath walking across the campus of UVIC had now trained so much and pushed himself so hard that he was able to bike 500 kms from one side of Vancouver Island to the other. #courage
The fight to conquer MPS II continued to grow as Simon graduated from UVIC, moved to Toronto to start his Master’s, be closer to his family,and travel to University of North Carolina Medical Center to take part in a drug trial of enzyme replacement therapy. The drug trial was so successful that Simon knew he had to fight to get this drug approved in Canada. Through his unwavering leadership, dedication, along with the support of friends like Steve Nash, Simon was able to fight and convince the Ontario government to approve and fund the drug that would normally cost $400 000 a year. Now, many children with MPS II can benefit from this treatment by having an improved health and overall way of life. #leadership
Simon and a few guys you may recognize Image: @iBellieve
It does not stop there. Simon continues to dedicate his entire life to build and help others through his leadership in his own foundation, iBellieve, whose mission is to find a cure for MPS II, as well as the organization Be Fair 2 Rare, which is aimed at raising awareness, funds, and advocacy for the rare disease community in Canada. #hero
“His goal is to raise enough money—$30 million by 2018—to find a cure for Hunter syndrome and build a dedicated research facility in Chapel Hill, which, thanks to Dr. Muenzer, is already the leading centre for research and treatment of MPS disease.”
There is also currently a kickstarter video to raise money for a full documentary on Simon and many other families involved in the fight to conquer MPS II. You can view the mini documentary called “Boys With Bigger Hearts” below.
Beyond donating to his cause, I have always wanted to give back to Simon for all that he has done, and continues to do, for me. By writing this I am hoping you can help Simon in his efforts to impact so many others. In your various networks, please SHARE HIS STORY. You can support Simon’s cause by choosing one or many of these options:
Follow Simon and his foundation on Twitter at @iBellieve
Many of us have written about how our PLN (personal learning network) has helped us get through challenging times. I wanted to share some experiences of how people I have met through social media have impacted me in my day to day life and even moved from followers to friends. I am not a fan of lists of people and this is not meant to include or exclude but more to share some recent positive experiences resulting from social media.
As I head back to work and reflect on the summer, some key moments with friends stand out… moments that would not have occurred had I not been using social media as a tool for professional learning.
People who do not use Twitter and Social Media often state that “real relationships” cannot be formed through these avenues. This summer was a clear example of how friendships CAN result from relationships formed through social media.
At the beginning of the summer, George Couros, division principal in Alberta, planned a few days stop over in Vancouver on his way to a speaking tour in Australia. We planned to hang out for a day and then meet up with a few others that evening. I picked him up at the airport (I was a bit late… although I did a drive by and he was too busy tweeting out that I was late to notice me driving by) and we spent the day chatting about all things life, education, and social media. In the evening, we met up with a few other amazing educators (whom I have also met through Twitter) for some dinner and in depth chats about technology, education, and professional learning. The weird thing is that this was only the third time I had ever met George face to face. We have ‘spoken’ through Twitter, Facebook, email, SMS, Skype, etc for a few years but because he lives in Alberta, we rarely get to meet. George and I hung out like we were university buddies… often it felt like we were catching up by sharing old experiences and bouncing ideas off each other.
Brian Kuhn, the technology leader in Coquitlam, is someone whom I met through Twitter and blogging a few years back. I originally went for breakfast with Brian to pick his brain about developing a tech vision for our district. What resulted has been regular (EARLY!) breakfast meetings throughout the year that include dialogue not only about technology and education but also about family and life in general. We often meet up at conferences or events and I follow his travels around Europe and mountain biking trails via Facebook and he follows the growth of my young daughters. Today we attended an Edcamp together and he made a comment “It is so cool to see photos of your daughter growing up… feel like I am watching family”. Brian is a bit of mentor to me but also has moved to a trustworthy buddy that I can chat with about anything.
Another connection with Kuhn.
A few weeks ago, I was heading up to a family reunion in Salmon Arm and the route to there took me through Kamloops. Cale Birk, a principal in Kamloops, invited me to stop by his place on the way back. His house was a perfect pit stop for my family (you cannot get very far with two 20-month-old daughters in the car) so we popped in for a few hours. Again, hanging out with Cale was like being with a buddy that I played hockey or basketball with. We chatted about everything until finally my wife gave me the signal that we had to head out. The crazy part of this is that our wives had actually connected through Facebook a few weeks prior as they are both dance teachers. Further, Cale has 2 beautiful daughters (2 and 4) who immediately connected with our daughters. The best part of this meeting was the fact that I had never met Cale face to face before. We had also used a variety of tech to communicate with each other so we knew each other quite well but meeting face to face created that friendship. Cale, Lori, Paige, and Kate stopped by our place for lunch the following week, en route to Victoria, and we are planning some more gatherings in the near future.
Meeting the Birks
The last example I want to share does not involve a face to face meeting but more of someone whom I keep in touch with on a regular basis. Darcy Mullin, a principal in Summerland, and I have been Skyping once a month for the past year. In addition, we chat via Twitter, Facebook, email, and text messaging. Although our attempt to meet up this summer (which would add up to a whopping 3 times) did not work out, Darcy and I kept in touch by Skyping a few times and texting throughout the summer. The best thing about our conversations this summer is that the focus was not just on education but mostly on our families. Darcy has twins as well so the stories of my daughters really bring him back; too, I enjoy his narratives of his family outings throughout BC and Western USA – the excitement in his voice when he speaks about his wife, son, and daughter is truly contagious.
Meeting with Mullin
To me, the learning that results from the connections we have with people is obvious. This post is by no means meant to be a cheesy shout out to George, Brian, Cale, and Darcy nor is it to exclude the many other people and friends I have met through social media; it is to share and highlight the potential deeper relationships that can arise from the effective use of social media.
Connecting through social media is not about the quantity of followers or ‘friends’ that a person has but it IS about the deeper, trusting relationships that can result if you take the time to make these relationships happen. These guys have had a huge impact on me – and I probably would never have met them without social media. I look forward to deepening the relationships and learning with a few more folks in the near future. Thank you to all those that have taken the time to connect with me to help me both as an educator and as a person.
I recently took a few weeks off Twitter, Blogs, and Facebook.
As I did this, there were a few thoughts that I had but this one stood out:
You can always catch up on the tweets and posts… you can never catch up on the moments.
My kids are growing up so quickly… moments with my family are what I live for.
I love being so connected and forming amazing professional and personal relationships with so many great people. It is difficult to even put in words how social media has affected my career and life. The challenge for me is to continue to work toward a more balanced life that includes being connected. I don’t plan on spending less time using social media but I will be spending time differently.
I may be a bit behind reading tweets and blog posts but I know I will be there more often to catch the moments right in front of me.
Thanks to Dwight Carter for our phone conversation and his post that caused me to reflect. Thanks also to my wonderful wife for the reminders and the push.
I am one that is constantly sharing with others the importance of a positive digital footprint. This became so important to me yesterday as my Facebook account was hacked and someone acted as me and tried to get my friends to click on very inappropriate links. Now that I have had time to calm down and discuss this with a mentor of mine, I can think back and reflect upon lessons learned during this trying experience.
Lesson 1: Stay Calm. When I saw that someone had posted sketchy links on my page (saying I “liked” the links), I did not respond in the most effective manner. To be honest, I freaked out. I even commented on the posts – so basically commented on my own posts which made it seem like I completely lost my mind. All I could think about is the staff members, family, and friends that would think that I “liked” these links. I frantically removed the items (or so I thought) and then filled my page with posts begging people to understand that my account had been hacked. In times of stress, it is so important to realize that we cannot change what has happened but we can change how we respond. If I could rewind, I would be more calm and work with some of the amazing people around me to develop a strategy that would turn this negative into a positive.
Lesson 2: If you have created a positive digital footprint, trust your reputation. I have worked hard to post tweets, blogs, links, etc in a transparent (and sometimes vulnerable) manner that reveals who I am and what I stand for. People I connect with through apps like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and Instagram know that I would never promote sites of this nature. Looking back, it is quite comical to think that I was worried that people would think that I was posting this. I should have trusted the fact that people knew me and had enough respect to understand what had happened.
Lesson 3: Rely on coaches and mentors. I received a few messages today that the links were still in their feed. People continue to look out for me and that is such a huge benefit of being part of an online community. One message I received was from a long-time friend and social media mentor (who actually got me started on Twitter and blogging). He wrote:
No doubt it is stressful and you are right to be concerned about perception as a result of the posts. At the same time this is your chance to shine and be stoic about it. Have a bit of humour about it. Fret on the inside, but stand tall on the outside… This is a reality of SM, you are a leader re SM in Edu. Act like it.
It was a virtual smack upside the head to snap out of this poor me approach and use this as an opportunity. After chatting on the phone with him, it became clear that I should have tapped into people like him from the start, someone from the outside that can offer some respectful guidance.
I can just hear some people that are on the fence of using social media saying “see, this is why I don’t get involved”. My response would be that yes, you may miss out on a day in which someone posts something negative on your page… but you are also missing out on so many opportunities to learn and connect with old and new friends, colleagues, and family. You are also missing out on the chance to share and steal ideas to not only make you better but also all those around you. Most importantly you may be missing out on the opportunity to form key relationships with people that share the good times and help you through difficult ones in a way that actually make your life that much more enjoyable.
Was yesterday difficult and stressful? Absolutely. There were, however, some moments in which I could laugh at what happened – thanks to people in my network like this:
Someone once said, “If one day you will look back and laugh, why not laugh right now?”.
I can now reflect on the day and be reminded of staying calm in times of challenge as well as the importance of having a positive digital footprint and a community of positive people around you. #lessonlearned
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. – Martin Luther King